What if time ISN'T the greatest healer?
Hi, I am Janet Jones, founder of Happiness Millionaire. I have recently started talking to a rock! This helps navigate the next chapter of my life, the chapter without my 22-year-old son, Murray. Join me with my musings about life, grief and loss with my rock, Sylvia-Rose. To learn why she is called Sylvia-Rose and how and why we met, I invite you to read my first blog - 'If Rocks Could Talk, meet Sylvia-Rose'. You could also register to have these bogs delivered to your email inbox. Check the tab in my bio.
Talking about time and healing with Sylvia-Rose on the 9th December 2021
SR - Hey.
Jan - OK. It is nice having the sun on my back and hearing the rippling sea instead of the crashing, thunderous sea. It is more peaceful. I need that.
SR - You do. You look exhausted.
Jan - I am. I am not sleeping well. I still take the actions that help me keep going. Hence my walk. Staying in bed isn’t helpful. It was yesterday. When I left you I went home, closed the day out, disconnected from the world and slept for over four hours.
SR - Good. Sleeping helps your body heal and your mind process grief. It is a process, Jan, not a mindset!
Jan - I realise that. Looking after my mind helps keep me going and not drown in all of this but it isn’t the only thing. Rest is key. I feel cheated after all the progress last week. Surely it is up to me to get that back?
SR - Don’t put that kind of pressure on yourself. It takes time to heal. I am not sure that is quite right. I don’t believe time is the greatest healer. Time just gets life built around that that needs healing and the pain becomes smaller - until it isn’t. So it isn’t just about time passing to heal but it does require you to put the time in to take the steps to healing.
Jan - Even the word healing is confusing. For me it represents things healing and becoming how they were. This will NEVER be how they were. So what does healing look like for me?
SR - I think only you can decide that.
Jan - I guess it looks like consistent peace and happiness. Fewer pits and troughs of emotions. Not being taken out quite so many times. Perhaps standing strong in the face of pain. Not crumbling at Christmas. I feel I am way off that.
SR - That is ok. You are putting the time in to heal. Just thinking about what healing looks like for you, and that is probably just the first step to healing, will keep you aware of putting the ‘time’ into healing. I hope that makes sense?
- It does. I still can’t believe he is dead. My brain hasn’t caught up yet. I wonder if it ever will? I look for him. I strain to hear him when I look at photos. I went to a spiritualist on my way back from Edinburgh. She told my niece about Murray, soon after his death. I have been planning a visit ever since. I believed Murray would come to me through her. He didn’t.
SR - Another disappointment.
Jan - yes. I need to stop looking for him. He has gone and I have no idea where. I need to accept that.
SR - That is an awful lot of ‘needs’. Just allow this. You are right. You do need to accept this. It can’t be easy, especially with Christmas around the corner. Go easy on you. The world won’t stop if you don’t show up all jolly and smiling. You are transitioning to your new healed state. If anything, start to imagine what your new healed state will feel like and what life will look like when it comes. Then allow it to show up. No need to force it. You know that the things you imagine and think about, in time, show up as your reality. The part you don’t have control over is the ‘time’ that will take. Perhaps that is what is meant when people say ‘time’ is the greatest healer. It is the time it takes for your mind to sow seeds and prepare for your new healed life.
Jan - mmmmm..... I guess that makes sense. You know me though, I want to be healed NOW!
SR - Then see yourself as healed now and take the bumpy ride as part of the healed you.
Jan - Wow. That is a tricky one to get my head around. If I were already healed, I would feel more energetic and be giving more to others and helping others.
SR - You would, but I also said and see the bumpy ride as part of the healed you. Don’t wait for life to be perfect before you feel healed. It is a little like the mess in your office. It is there because you still have some unpacking to do but it doesn’t stop you from getting on with your Happiness Millionaire work. You will work more effectively when it has been sorted but it is part of your whole. I think that is what I am trying to say.
Jan - I understand that. What you see is what is the truth. See myself healed, accept the journey and that is the truth.
SR - Something like that. That is food for thought for both of us.
Jan - I feel lighter for that. Thank you. I felt the weight of life on my shoulders on the way here. You have brought some light to me. I appreciate that.
SR - So would thé healed Jan put Christmas lights around the house?
- Yes she would. I love to put my lights on a broken branch of a tree. I saw the perfect one on the way here. I will drag that home.
People will look but the healed Jan won’t care
Also if I feel I need to rest this afternoon I will do so without feeling weak.
SR - Excellent. I am glad you came today.
- See you soon. May the day be what the day will be. Remember, you are healed but the bumps are part of it
- You are brilliant. See you soon. I now have a very cold bottom! This was a long chat. I guess we weren’t against the tide or the sunrise
- Thinking of you