SR - Good Morning. Another beautiful day.
Jan - Morning. Yes, it is. We are blessed. The sea is making that twinkling sound.
SR - Yes. It is being gentle today. How are you doing?
Jan - I am ok. It is a day off today. I always start my days off feeling a little lost. I had to force myself out of bed today to come here. I always want to come but the mind chat that is required is crazy.
SR - Well, you made it. That is the important thing.
Jan - I used to wake up so excited to welcome a new day. Just ask my children about when I would wake them up singing, ‘Good morning’ from Singing in the rain! I have never had a problem getting up but now, especially when I am on my own, I know that when I put my foot on the floor, another day without my son has begun. He never leaves me. He sits just under the surface of my skin and he will either motivate me or bring on sadness. Which now just sits heavy on me, rather than breaks me down in tears. Those come unexpectedly.
SR - I hear you. You have done really well making it here today.
Jan - I guess so.
SR - Grief is tiring.
Jan - Grief can be truly exhausting! It also sits on you physically. I don’t think people really get that. I feel my body is still physically suffering. Since Murray died I have aching legs and hips. It feels that is part of the physical suffering.
SR - This is the first time you have mentioned that.
Jan - I didn’t think it was worth mentioning. I thought it would just ease over time. It has got worse since the third anniversary.
SR - This third anniversary has really brought the grief back, hasn’t it?
Jan - It never went away but I know what you mean. I am not fully sure where to go with this now. I am doing grief recovery with my friend Jane.
SR - How is that going?
Jan - It is too early to say, really. I better get going. I have a date!
SR - You have a date! Tell me more…
Jan - He is four, cute, and funny and we are going to bake cakes, make a den, and then go to Portpatrick.
SR - That sounds like the best date. I am jealous.
Jan - You make me laugh 😂
SR - Glad I can help. It was lovely to meet your sisters the other day. Thank your big sister for the Rose. I see we share the same name.
Jan - You do. And with my mum too. Mum is with Murray now or Murray with mum as she left us first. 
SR - So Murray has his grandma.
Jan - He does. Both of them. And his Grandads.
SR - Oh Jan, I wish I could give you a hug.
Jan - I am feeling it. I better go. I can’t keep my young man waiting. One thing I know for sure today, there will be laughter. 😊💛
SR - Go and enjoy now you are out of bed!
Jan - I will. See you soon. Life is good.
SR - It is. 🥰
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