SR - Hey, Jan, how are you? Did you survive?
Jan - Hi. Yes. We all did. Another year without his smiles, laughter, and being asked for money! He could have every penny if he would just come back.
SR - You know you are teasing yourself with those thoughts?
Jan - I do. I feel a little flat and bruised after leaving his tree. To most people, it probably doesn’t make sense. It is a tree. It has been suggested I plant a tree with some of his ashes in my back garden and that would be the same thing. It wouldn’t though. The tree in Edinburgh is part of his new story, his new life, and our new life. I made it nice and planted a lovely yellow plant that the bees will like too. He would like that.
SR - You are doing your best. You think of so many positive things to do. Murray will be loving all of this.
Jan - I am sure he will. There is something about three years. I remember thinking of what it might be like in three years when the accident happened. I honestly couldn’t imagine it. I couldn’t see it. It seemed so dark, yet here I am - Living. And it isn’t dark. Life has built around the pain, around Murray’s place in the world.
SR - Is that what happens? Life builds around it. You don’t recover then?
Jan - No. You don’t. The wounds, the memories, the story, they are all still there. Perhaps they get buried under the new life, perhaps they become part of the new life, or they may even be the roots of the new life.
SR - The roots of the new life feel right to me. Then to grow the new life after loss, like growing anything, you must take the best care of the roots for they are the foundation of the new life.
Jan - That is the perfect image. We must nurture the root. That doesn’t mean to keep returning to it with sadness and regret, it means with love.
SR - Yes. Love. The superpower you speak of. There it is again.
Jan - It is there every time, isn’t it?! I feel lighter thinking this through with you. Life has been built around the roots of the new life and at the very centre is love, therefore, in the new life is love. It is so easy to miss this. I have felt bruised and wounded today. I now feel warm and safe in this love.
SR - That is great. When you feel bruised again, take some time out and come for a chat. We can work things through and get you living again.
Jan - Excellent. My heart instantly feels lighter. I was beginning to think I had been making myself so busy I had been doing everything to avoid my situation. I have enjoyed being busy though.
SR - I can imagine you have but remember, all you are doing now is from the root of love.
Jan - This is enlightening and an inspiring way of looking at this. Time for me to get back. It has been an exhausting few days. I am going to have an early night and wake up renewed.
SR - Every day is a new beginning.
Jan - It is and we are very lucky to have them. Bye for now. See you soon.
SR - Just when you have time. Keep doing what you are doing.
Jan - I will. Bye for now. 💛🥰💛
READ THE NEXT CONVERSATION - I thought the darkness would have lifted by now - HERE