2. Find meaning, purpose and happiness after loss and grief
Oct 28, 2021
If you are struggling to find the energy and motivation to get back to living after the loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, or any other form of loss, you will find wisdom in these conversations.
Until today, I would simply sit on the rock adjacent to Sylvia-Rose, look out at the sea, and contemplate how I might survive the rest of my life. If I was meant to live, I didn’t just want to survive, I wanted to be like the Phoenix and rise from the ashes but that seemed too fanciful from where I was. I would have to relearn, rediscover, or reinvent who I was before I could ever imagine what rising from the ashes might look like. Today, on this very average grey day, it felt natural to reach out to Sylvia-Rose.
23rd October 2021
Me - Hi, Sylvia-Rose.
SR - Hi, Jan. Nice to talk to you. Glad you made it. You nearly didn’t.
Me - No. It was difficult getting out of bed. I tried that motivational thing of counting down to 5, then leaping out of bed. I climbed back in. I feel safe in bed. No life pressures. No one expecting anything of me.
SR - Does that make you feel better?
Me - Yes and no. Happiness seems to be a conflict of interest at the moment. Staying in bed, warm, listening to the sea and the birds feel like ‘being’. At the same time, I feel I am wasting my short visit to planet Earth, as another day ticks by. Am I wasting my time?
SR - Not if you are feeling good. Perhaps you are if you are not feeling good. Only you can decide.
Me- I wish someone else could decide. I know missing Murray saps my energy but I don’t know what to do with that.
SR - That is a difficult one. You are doing well, though. So long as you feel you are still in the game at the end of the day, I guess that is good enough for now. Take it easy today. Be kind to yourself. Murray is with you. He wants you to be kind to yourself. He wished it were different but it isn’t. Sorry. Keep going. See you tomorrow.
Me - I will try to be here in the morning. I used to be so hard on people who used the word ‘try’. My answer was always that you either will or you won’t. Now I know the effort in trying!
See you tomorrow. Xx
