10. Finding the courage to start a new relationship

if rocks could talk - meet sylvia-rose Nov 25, 2021

You are going through life and all is well. Instantly, it all changed and you were on your knees, feeling lost with no idea how life goes on without your loved one.

 
Hi, I am Janet Jones, founder of Happiness Millionaire. Welcome to my conversations with my rock on the beach, Sylvia-Rose. She helped me navigate the next chapter of my life, the chapter without my 22-year-old son, Murray. Join these musings about lifegrief, and loss with my rock, Sylvia-Rose. To learn why she is called Sylvia-Rose and how and why we met, I invite you to read my first blog - 'If Rocks Could Talk, Meet Sylvia-Rose'. You could also register to have these blogs delivered to your email inbox so you never miss them. Click the FOLLOW SYLVIA-ROSE button.
 
Discussing the courage about loving again after loss - 24th of Nov, 2021.
 
SR - Blimey. You must have left in the dark!!
Jan - I did!! Morning, Sylvia-Rose. The goal was to visit you and be home for 9 am! Also, I am not sleeping well at the moment. One minute I am cold, the next hot. Blankets on. Blankets off!
 
SR - You are at that time of your life! I am so glad I am a rock ðŸ˜‚
Jan - Do you remember a few days ago we were talking about being brave?
 
SR - Yes.
Jan - I am having to be brave at the moment and there is one thing talking about it and another doing it!
 
SR - I am intrigued. What are you doing?
Jan - I have always known this was coming, I just didn’t know when I would feel ready. I don’t believe I am but time is slipping away. I need to put effort into finding a new relationship. It sounds so, so, anaesthetised. ‘Putting effort in!’ So, cold. Where did the days go where you just met someone at a dance, a bar, at work, or at the bus stop? I have to apply for one now online, like you apply for a passport!
 
SR - The modern world. I guess you don’t go to dances, the pub, work or even get a bus anymore! It is the way to at least start it. I understand you being brave. Approaching strangers isn’t easy at the best of times.
Jan - No. With every message, you put yourself out there for rejection. Checking every word, wondering how someone might receive it before you press send.
 
SR - Don’t overthink it. The right person is out there for you and it won’t be based on you choosing the wrong word.
Jan - that isn’t the only thing I am scared of, Sylvia-Rose. I am scared of my scars. I have many but this one is the biggest. Many people feel uncomfortable and don’t know what to say when they find out I have lost a son. They put themselves in my shoes and would rather talk about anything else. I need to talk about Murray. It is the biggest part of me at the moment and maybe forever. I am also not sure how I can handle a stranger coming into my sorrow. I have played it safe with only people who have known me for a long time to be part of my world.
 
SR - I am here to encourage your bravery. It is time. Open your heart and a kind, loving man who has compassion and who is big enough to take this will come into your life. You must be open to receiving it.
Jan - This isn’t just about me. Anyone who is alone and has gone through life challenges feels afraid. It is so easy to shrink life. I never thought I would shrink my life.
 
SR - DON'T shrink your life. You have too much to give. Especially with Murray in your heart. He wants to give too and he can only do that through you and his family and friends. Love is a basic human need and, you both need it and deserve it!
Jan - Thank you. I don’t think it is about being told someone loves me. Love doesn’t need words. It is a tangible, invisible force that when you are loved, you feel it.
 
SR - Jan, you deserve to be loved and you deserve to be happy. You are beautiful. Inside and out. I want to see you out more. Focus on giving and then you will receive. You know this.
Jan - I do. Sometimes I don’t feel I have anything to give, though.
 
SR - Then on those days, don’t give, receive instead. Receive the beauty around you, the air you breathe, the smiles you encounter.
Jan - Thank you. I don’t pin my happiness on having a relationship. I see it as an addition. I create my happiness within my heart. I have gotten used to sadness walking beside my happiness.
 
SR - Yes. Those two can comfortably walk side by side. They can blend and complement each other in a true experience of life. You are going to do great. I feel it in my rock ðŸ˜€
Jan - I better go. It is raining and I need to run now to get back for 9!
 
SR - See you tomorrow. I look forward to hearing the progress of your bravery.
Jan - Ok. Deep breath. See you tomorrow. ðŸ’›
 
 
NEXT CONVERSATION - Turn weakness into strength and grief into peace - HERE
 

 

Janet Jones - happiness expert

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